By: Chelsea DeLorme in Yarmouth, ME

In May of this year a fellow 5th grade mom texted me about her daughter. The fifth graders were abuzz about the annual field trip to Boston; a capstone to learning about the American Revolution. The students walk the Freedom Trail, give speeches in The Old State House and look forward to a break at historic Faneuil Hall and Quincy Market, where they race around to determine which ice cream vendor serves the biggest scoops for the best price. It’s a day of living history, social-emotional learning and an exercise in independence as the kids “graduate” from elementary school, looking toward middle school in the fall. The bus trip from Yarmouth, about 15 minutes north of Maine’s biggest city, Portland, takes over 2 hours. The ride itself is a big part of the day.

And the thought of it was making many students queasy. The mom who reached out said that her daughter had been in anxious knots for weeks because everyone was making plans of who would sit with who and kids with smartphones and iPads were winning out: Sit with me and we can Snap! …I have Tik-Tok on my phone… we can watch YouTube on my iPad…

From a parent perspective this sounded like bad news: The school doesn’t allow smartphones during the school day for good reasons, so why would we risk disrupting a field trip with any number of Internet wildcards? And for what? Why create conditions that disconnect kids from their surroundings and their peers? What about the equity issues an iPhone brings up? And all the things everyone would miss out on even if only a few kids brought phones or tablets?

From the perspective of a fifth grader: How do you compete with Zach King illusions or Chapell Roan?! 

Who is as exciting, entertaining or unflagging as the Internet?!

The end of 5th grade, a time when most kids have turned 11 or are about to, is an important developmental window when adolescents are beginning to find their own identities and pull away from their families, exploring tentative steps into the wider world. The Boston field trip is all the more exciting because of the time in life when it happens. I remember, because I was a 5th grader from Maine on the Boston field trip in the early 90s. And I can still feel the strange combination of excitement, uneasiness and all the unknowns of those transitional years in my bones—pre-Internet! To imagine the new layers of social complexities brought on by group texts, smartphones and social media is hard to wrap your mind around. And of course: It’s not all bad! It’s so many things.

But this particular dynamic was not an angle on the issues I had foreseen; a reminder of why it’s also important to hear from kids themselves. One of the things this 11 year-old said to her mom was: "Everyone will be on their devices and I'll be left out again." This 5th grader was getting the message that she didn’t have enough to offer other kids on the bus–that maybe she herself was not enough. And her worry that she might end up feeling alienated for over 4 hours seemed rational. I doubted she was alone in that worry, so I asked other fifth graders what was happening with the bus to Boston: They all said the same thing. 

As both educators and parents know, big feelings like shame, despair, confusion, fear of isolation, self-consciousness and anger not only disrupt learning, but can prevent kids from engaging in the kind of social experiences that—even when awkward—are ultimately crucial to our social and emotional development as humans. And all of this distressing swirl was happening before the field trip even started; feeding emotional patterns and self-questioning that caretakers don’t want for kids; their own or others.

So I reached out to parent chaperones for the field trip for a gut check. Maybe I was overreacting? Maybe we could help the kids without personal devices find some kind of middle ground? Maybe the kids with phones would just blast the Hamilton soundtrack all the way to Boston? …then again, might others with the Internet in their hands end up in the darkest of rabbit holes–even if they didn’t intend to? And how would chaperones feel about that responsibility? Was there really any argument FOR bringing devices on the bus? Did we have some kind of collective illusion that kids would combust from boredom–or could we help them break through if bored body behaviors got out of hand?

The immediate text replies were all about what a shame it would be for the kids to miss out on “the fabulous bus singing they could be doing with chaperones". That was tongue-in-cheek of course, but there was a shared belief that it was possible–and ultimately better for everyone–to do the trip without devices. As another chaperone put it: "It would be a missed opportunity to old-skool bus bond" if devices were involved. 

Our community had recently “activated” our 5th grade class with the Wait Until 8th pledge at Yarmouth Elementary School, so I reached out to those parents, many of whom I didn’t know yet. I shared that I had emailed administration and our teachers and lightly suggested that if they–or their children–had thoughts/feelings about the “personal device” policy, they might consider sharing their perspectives too. I also turned to a group of parents who had coalesced around related issues after reading  “Anxious Generation” by Jonathan Haidt, a grassroots collective we’d come to call Yarmouth Slow Tech (YST). Those parents reached out to fifth and fourth (for whom this would be an issue in one quick year) grade parent friends as well as the fourth grade Wait Until 8th list which we had recently activated too.

As one of our YST members and WU8th ambassadors, Heather Wiggins Berger put it: “Wait Until 8th has given me the language to talk about phone use with my husband and kids, and has helped us all notice how screens affect us, positively and negatively. It’s empowered us to get more purposeful about how we use tech.” Many of us found that because we’d discussed these topics with our families, friends, and each other already, we were able to quickly articulate why these conversations matter and how our choices impact others. Rather than creating a petition or stirring up social media chatter, people took the time to write to their teachers and administration, sharing their perspective and/or that of their fifth or fourth graders.

End result? The school was responsive and the policy was changed in 36 hours: There would be no internet-enabled devices on the bus. In addition, the principal said “it was an easy decision” when the fifth grade teaching team convened. It turned out that tech had outpaced policy: When first written, a “personal device” referred to GameBoys, not phones or tablets that give children access to the entirety of the Internet. Fortunately, the school had yet to have an issue with problematic use or content on the Boston trip. However, the age at which children encounter things they can’t unsee even when they want to continues to drop. And the more we are all aware of that fact, the more we can do about it.

When I shared the field trip story with Brooke Shannon, the founder of Wait Until 8th, she was wonderfully supportive and suggested I send in a headshot and bio for the WU8th website. But it wasn’t me that made this happen, it was a community discussion. It was parents who had already committed to delaying smartphone use by signing the pledge on their own accord and responding when contacted by other parents who had done the same. It was collective action in action.

It was also a 5th grader who has the kind of relationship with her mom where she can talk about the real and hard things that affect her. It was a responsive group of educators and a thoughtful group of chaperones sharing perspectives respectfully. And this gave our Yarmouth Slow Tech group good food for thought. I told Brooke I would get back to her when we had at least one parent representative from each class year for that photo.

This is when Yarmouth Slow Tech began to consider what became our “ambassador” program for WaitUntil8th. The conversations between parents of differently aged cohorts of kids and different generations of parents, from content to tone, to different life experiences and relationships to tech, is enlightening. Within our Yarmouth Slow Tech group, we’d been having thought-provoking discussions while connecting with new people about these issues–and it was such a relief; both eye-opening and energizing. We were finding strength in numbers even when we were coming to the movement from different paths.

It was also, of course, what WU8th is all about: Awareness, education, support, and communication that ultimately enhances vital aspects of community. We saw that if we could be even more intentional about connecting across silos of classrooms and graduation years, neighborhoods, sports teams, and other social circles, everyone was likely to benefit. 

But at first we didn’t have the right language: We were talking about “class leads” and “adopting a class”. And then we found this article from the After Babel Substack, detailing outcomes from Schools & Technology summit, a 2-day workshop series with two hundred school leaders and board members from 50 Jewish schools. The third part of the action plan, the section entitled: “Parents Must Be Part of The Solution Too” says:

The key takeaway from the summit was that screen use outside of school impacts outcomes inside of school. This requires schools to think creatively about how to encourage healthier tech choices off campus. Another major takeaway was that school leaders cannot do this work alone—they need parent buy-in. 

We were the parents already buying in! The article went on to say that one of the schools, “recognizing this reality,” formed an “ambassador” program. We realized “ambassador” was the word we’d been looking for and our Wait Until 8th Ambassador program, an initiative of Yarmouth Slow Tech, was born.

By this point we had “activated” every class from K-5th–so it was a matter of asking who wanted to take a step further and proactively create community. While we’re still defining what this looks like in practice, the concept is that for each grade from Pre-K through 8th, there are parent ambassadors available to answer questions, welcome new pledge members, host social events, and be part of a support network that crosses grades and schools, neighborhoods and social circles, through the middle school years. It’s given us a way to make the conversation bigger than our own families; to learn, reflect, discover (and celebrate!) together; including kids and teens in the conversation too.

The aim is to increase communication and knowledge sharing between families, while drawing on the experience of those who have “been there” to shed light on nuance and the kinds of tech and social issues that may come up as kids develop or advance to a new grade–ultimately lowering barriers to “waiting” with a collective of people interested in group support, discovery, learning, processing and problem-solving. I have yet to meet parents who are anti-tech (I’m married to a software developer myself), but I would say there is a consistent curiosity about how adults can help kids progressively engage with all that the digital world offers, while learning more about related topics such as persuasive design and habits of mind.

While changing norms starts in our own homes, we’re excited to see how things play out for our kids in their neighborhoods, schools, activities, and sports teams as we enhance their relationships and ability to communicate about these topics too. For starters, our kids now know they’re not alone. Parents too. And ultimately, we hope to be a sort of human resource for our schools.

As ambassador Paige Carter describes it: “After reading Anxious Generation, the decision to take the WU8th pledge was a no brainer. I realized the rise of smartphone use among children is the greatest issue facing my kids’ generation, and as a family the longer we can delay the use of these devices, the better the chance our kids will have leading lives with strong mental health.” Paige also recognized the collective action dimension of the problem as “one that requires the participation of families and the schools — not something I can ever do alone” and said that’s why she stepped up as an ambassador.

We hope that more parents are moved to pledge and more ambassadors are moved to join us as we think through how to raise awareness about Wait Until 8th beyond our town’s borders too. As the saying goes: “A rising tide lifts all boats.”

To that end: Yarmouth Slow Tech is part of The Turn the Tide Coalition, a network of community groups in Maine towns and cities where the WU8th pledge is also growing. It’s a satisfying stage in the journey for the forward-thinking parents who signed the pledge prior to 2024 (four of our Yarmouth WU8th ambassadors among them).

And what happened on those smartphone-free Boston buses? SO MUCH SINGING! It turns out today’s 5th graders are delighted by radio. You can’t predict or control what comes on; all you can do is sing along. The kids were overjoyed to report just how bad their singing–and the chaperones’—was. 

That freedom just hits different when no one’s recording. And we have our elementary school to thank for that.

Chelsea DeLorme is a mom of three and a founder of Yarmouth Slow Tech, a grassroots movement in Yarmouth, Maine promoting informed and intentional use of technology; progressive independence for kids and teens; and real-world social experiences to cultivate youth mental wellness through community support and collective action. YST offers education, conversation, and play opportunities (for both youth and adults) to foster prosocial behavior; sharing a vision of community where families flourish, technology supports human connection, and people of all ages know they matter: right here, right now, as they are.

Please consider delaying the smartphone for your child with the Wait Until 8th pledge and delaying social media until 16+. There are so many reasons to wait. Currently the average age a child receives a smartphone is around 4th grade despite the many distractions and dangers that comes with this technology. Join more than 75,000 parents by signing the pledge today.

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