Dangers, tips and the unexpected places texting can happen
By: Sarah Gallagher Trombley
Kids get interested in sending text based messages pretty early these days. Where I live it seems to be around 3rd or 4th grade.
Text Based Messaging (as opposed to a phone or video call) is likely one of the first forms of digital communication a kid will try. Its can be a way for them to stay connected with family and/or friends. For the sake of clarity, “text based messaging” for our purposes means any way a typed message can get sent (Chat, SMS, DM).
I think its important to be intentional from the outset with text based messaging. Its an early digital step. You’ll want to get your head around whether, when and where you will allow it. To do this its important to know
all the places it can happen
the potential dangers
Where its happening
Some kids are texting from their iPads using iMessage, Facebook messenger for Kids, or Google Chat.
Some kids have smartwatches that can text.
Some have their own phones and/or access to private messaging like Whats App
Some kids have access to Social media apps that let them message like Instagram and Snapchat.
Some kids can send messages through their video games
Dangers
No matter where its happening, there are real dangers to consider.
Cyberbullying: when someone uses technology to harass, threaten, or embarrass another person. It can happen through text messages, social media posts, or even gaming chat.
Sexting: the sending of sexually explicit messages or photos via text message or other electronic means. It can be a form of cyberbullying, and it can also have legal consequences. Remind kids that anything you send digitally is out there in the world. Even snapchat’s disappearing messages don’t truly disappear.
Online predators: adults who pose as kids in order to gain the trust of children. They may use this trust to exploit children for sexual purposes or other harmful reasons.
Strangers who infiltrate private messaging can perpetrate some truly heinous acts including selling them drugs, overdoses, sextortion, sex trafficking and grooming.
Dangerous content: content that includes violence, pornography, or hate speech. Kids can be exposed to content they aren’t ready for when they're messaging with other kids online.
Setting Expectations
If and when you do allow text based messaging, you’ll want to be clear about your expectations for conduct and any rules you want in place for doing this activity.
Talk to your kids about the dangers of messaging. ie the upsetting things I just listed. Don’t shy away from the awkward stuff, but do use age appropriate language.
Set rules for messaging that work for you and your family.
Consider restricting the amount of time your kid can spend messaging
Consider restricting who they can message
Definitely provide guidance on good texting etiquette
Consider monitoring your kid's online activity. This doesn't necessarily mean read every single message they send, but consider checking in on their activity periodically or in the beginning when they are starting out to make sure they're safe and not accidentally being jerks.
Encourage your kid to come to you if they see or experience something uncomfortable. Let them know that you're here to help them, and that they won't get in trouble for telling you about something that's happening online.
Encourage your kid to take breaks. Let them know its ok to take a break from group or individual conversation particularly if its upsetting, stressful or taking up too much time & brain space. Honestly, its ok to take a break from IRL activities causing those things, too.
Remind your kid that texting doesn’t replace talking. Online communication is not the same as spending time with people in the real world. Both are valuable but not interchangeable.
Use parental controls. Many devices and apps come with parental controls that can be used to restrict who your kid can message, how much of their information can be seen and by whom, how much time they can spend messaging and allow you to monitor the communication
Be a role model. Show your kids how to message responsibly by setting an example. These children are watching!
There’s so much more to say on this topic. Check out my Texting Etiquette Guide and Wait Until 8th’s digital resources on texting.
Sarah Gallagher Trombley is a digital parenting expert, ex-Snapchat Executive, Wait Until 8th Advisory Board Member and mom of two. With more than 20 years working in digital media and technology, she understands how child safety decisions get made. She also is a fellow parent figuring out what to do for her own kids.
Sarah’s mission is to help parents navigate the digital world by providing insight, advice and practical tips which she does through her newsletter "Thoughts From A Digital Mom," speaking events and social accounts. Her work covers a wide range of topics including social media headlines, new technology and apps, as well as how-to support for digital house rules, parental controls, social media, group texting and more. Sarah is committed to educating parents in search of good tech solutions for all kids.
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